Hello beautiful people. Have you ever felt drawn to get things off of your chest? Well today I am going to tell you my story here. Be warned, this is a very sticky and negative story at first. If you can, please bare through the whole thing. I hope this does not trigger anyone, but if it does trigger you in some way, then find the root of that trigger and worked on it until it is released.
When I was very young I had an incredibly rocky family. I had to grow up very quickly and learn about things I would never wish upon another five/six year old. At six years old of age, I was devastated over many things. I had parents who screamed and threw things at eachother, I was horribly bullied in school, and I really didn't understand any of this. Why were people so cruel? Why do I live in such a disastrous world? Well, I didn't want to live is this messed up world. I was an inch away from my heart with a sharp blade, ready to plunge it in at six years old, when my sister snatched it out of my hands and saved my life. I am forever grateful for that act. Years went by, and life only seemed to spiral. I got better, and I got worse. I found myself in an injurious relationship at the age of thirteen and fourteen. I was hit, raped and controlled. I let him manipulate the pure spirit out of me. I still did not understand the cruel world I lived in. I began to self harm, tried to commit suicide several times and now grateful no attempts were a success. At the age of sixteen I left home, still broken, wanting to run away from everything. School was miserable so I dropped out, not feeling like it was going to bring me to what I wanted. I found a group of people out in the world, whom were very cold but I was cold too, so we got along. Being young and naive, I ditched my morals and lost myself completely. I did several hard drugs almost everyday. Partied all night only to sleep the day away. I yearned for my family but I felt like I failed them so I couldn't bare to face them. From October to December my life was a screwed up party everyday, until one tiny thing happened. Someone had hid my phone to play games with me, but that was when I told myself enough was enough. I left the party house and went home. My home life was still horrible and I ended up getting sucked back to the same party place. It was different and more secluded, we actually formed a little family of messed up people. At this time I found myself in another abusive relationship with even worse drugs. After months of drugs and abuse to myself, I had finally run my course and realized I needed to change. I officially went home to my mother, and she and I began to work through the things that had separated us. I got better through meditation and self exploration. Therapy and connecting to my mother again helped as well. I cut off the majority of friends and kept myself away, waiting for better things. I began college only to find that was not my path. I found my beloved soul mate Chane and my love for energetic healing. With my passion to heal others, I also began to work with herbs and holistic healing. I had severe digestive problems and healed them this way. I am now living my dreams with a beautiful life I have manifested, continually healing myself and helping others.
I write this for you, because out there right now there is someone struggling with something similar to what I went through. I want you and anyone reading this to know that it is okay. Everything happens for a reason. I know my rocky path was excrutiatingly painful, but without it I wouldn't have the knowledge I have now. I would not be who I am today without the pain and lessons of my past. I love every bit of my life, even the negative parts of it. forgave and still forgive myself for what I did and what I put myself and others through. If you are reading this, please forgive yourself. Let go of the judgement of yourself and others, let go of the hate and built up pain. Life can be very painful, but without pain we would not know true happiness. Take my story as a lesson to you, and get whatever you can out of it. Love yourself.
Much love to you, blessed be!