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Escapism 

I look back on my younger years and remember the pain I was constantly in. I remember feeling physically like a worm because all I wanted was to wiggle out of my body. I couldn't stand being present, being alone or being in silence. Damaged, I continuously had anxiety, depression, hallucinations, did drugs, self harmed, etc. The damage I did to myself got so bad I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't anymore. I escaped myself through drugs, many endless nights of drug use for months. Until I had enough. I'm not sure exactly what clicked, but something did and I was able to completely quit drug use and started meditating. Even those I wasn't trying to escape my reality anymore at that point, I was still quite uncomfortable in my body. It took me awhile to get over that. I started using more productive drugs like LSD and cannabis to enhance my reality, which made me face a lot of my fears. After awhile using LSD I finally conquered PTSD and started feeling comfortable in my physical body. Then I was able to completely be sober, living with no drugs at all and able to just be. My life consisted of a constant struggle within myself. I was toxic to myself and everything around me for a long time. It took a lot of going inward to be able to heal. Only opening my heart and mind was able to heal me. Escaping reality did a lot of damage to me, but I'm glad I was able to see that and heal from it. If you are trying to escape life in any way, ask yourself why? And what can you do to make you feel comfortable right here right now? Much love to you! Blessed Be!

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